what is love?

is it missing someone like crazy?

smiling at the thought of him?

feeling sad when he's sad?

wanting to know what he's doing, thinking?

jumping with joy at his text or phone call?

faster heartbeat when you see him?


definition of love from the bible:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.


wow.

this is TRUE LOVE.
isn't it awesome.

it really got me thinking.
i think i was really selfish.
i didn't think that what i did would hurt god.
i just followed my heart blindly.
the relationship wasn't based on god in the first place.
right from the start it was downright WRONG.
but i just shut out that tiny little voice inside and
went ahead with it.
i was complacent.
i was DUMB.

it's been two months and i still find myself clinging onto
a false hope that he'll regret.
i keep getting flashbacks.
keep asking myself why it ended.
or maybe i wasn't good enough.
i THOUGHT i was over him,
but deep deep inside i still cared, i still
worry, or maybe i still liked him.
the wound i have been trying to heal would keep
getting raw when i talk about it sometimes.
wow even till now i still cry over it sometimes.
yeah call me stupid, clingy, or whatever I DON'T CARE.
you think i WANT this?
i can't even listen to my favourite song without feeling so upset!
oh how i wish i can say that i am totally over.
i spend so much time praying so HARD,
that tears would just stop flowing.
but no matter how tough i may seem i can still
hurt! i can still cry! i DO feel!
no matter how much i dive into my studies
it will always come back in my mind!
IT SUCKS!

i never should have stepped onto hot stones in the first place.
now whenever i see couples holding hands i always ask myself
if it really will last.
or will one of them end up like me?
i just feel so insecure.
if i would ever learn to trust a person that he wouldn't hurt me.
never again will i want to go through the same thing.
no way man..
it's so freaking tiring..
as if i'm like doing shuttle run nonstop..
back and forth up and down..
like a stupid roller coaster ride..
im so SICK AND TIRED..
sometimes i feel so happy, then the next minute i
feel depressed.
yah exaggerating i know.
but i do feel this way.

thank god i have my friends with me.
:D
they help me suck away my "gloomy-ness" and negativity.

this post is like so drama. lol.
but i've been keeping it in for so long
i decided to blurt it out now that there's nothing to hide.
i don't care how you are going to judge me
because this is my blog and i say whatever i feel like saying
so don't gimme the "oh my gosh so tragic" look or wadever
because from now i am seriously over.
been moping enough.
not worth it anymore.
nope.

yeah i've said what i wanted to say for the past 2 month
and 5 days.
and i'm super tired cos it's 2 plus in the morning lol.
NIGHT!